Why he loves me

Who else would rub cream on his dog's poonahnie?

I caught him in bed with two other women and I jumped in with them.

I keep him entertained with funny impressions like Vera De Milo.

I am a constant example of class and refinement. There's my gum!

Look what Emily did to her walls!
Who could sleep with that on top of you every night?

One of Those Days

As a general rule, I am always
a. easygoing
b. happy
c. cooperative
d. looking for a good time

On Sunday, I was
a. tired
b. depressed
c. short-tempered
d. a total beotch

I wanted everyone to
a. leave me alone
b. go away
c. kiss my butt
d. sit down and shut up

My dogs are the only ones who
a. love me
b. understand me
c. can tolerate me
d. know how to sit down and shut up

I sought intense therapy in the form of
a. a recliner
b. a nap
c. a television
d. my dogs


I'M CURED!!

Our First and Last Rehab

What would compel a seemingly normal family of five, who had never done a rehab project in their lives, to buy a delapidated house to fix up and use as a rental property?

I tried to pair each "before" picture with its corresponding "after".

To let you know a bit about the type of neighborhood in which this prime piece of real estate is located, I would like to share a conversation that transpired between the hubs and I one Saturday afternoon. He had just returned home from working alone at this house.

John: "Some lady said the strangest thing to me today."

Me: "Oh yeah? What?"

John: "I walked out onto the porch and this lady came up to me and said, 'Do you date?'. I said, 'No, I don't date, I'm married.' Then she just walked away."

Me: "That was no lady, Honey, that was a hooker and she was wanting to know if you were interested in paying for a little somethin' somethin'."

John: "Nuh uh."

Me, laughing: "Uh huh. Haven't you ever seen COPS?"

John: "Oh my."

Don't forget to visit Metamorphosis Monday for a lot more, and much better, before and after pictures.

The Rule Is...

When John comes home from a project, we always do the same thing. No matter how long he is going to be in town, everybody comes over, we take them all out to dinner, then Big John gives us souvenirs from wherever he has been. We have some CRAZY things he has brought us from Haiti, Australia (not too bad), and now, Russia.

The rule is...whatever John brings you, pretend like you like it, even if you don't know what it is. We can figure out what it is later.

So we all load up into the car. As you can see, we always have a great time when we get together.

Remind me again, why did I get that third row seat?

We go back home and get our souvenirs. Kristen, Leslie and I got pashminas. Ooh, those are pretty. So far, so good, John.

That's our DIL(io), Kristen, modeling hers. That's what I love about Kristen, she always lets me take her picture and she always cooperates with my goofy ideas when no one else will.

Emily got a funky cool hat. She reminds me of the Cheetos cat. Not bad. She likes to be different and she likes Cheetos.


I got Russian Christmas ornaments. A hand painted egg and a Russian angel? girl?

Excellent choice! I collect Christmas ornaments from everywhere we go. Good going, John.

And I also got this....umm...I got this.....egg? On a stand?

Oh, I see, it has a picture of the nativity on it. That's pretty. I do like it.

And that's the way it ALWAYS goes. Every single time!!

(And I love it.)

Don't forget...I'm giving away that Wii on Monday.

Flashback Friday

Don't forget to go visit Tara and put your Flashback Friday link on the list. It's fun to look at old pictures, the older the better.

I love these two pictures. I keep them in a side-by-side double frame on my desk. Though they were taken 14 years and 1,000 miles apart, they have similarities. We were both 2 years old when they were taken. Neither one of us looks very much interested in having our pictures taken. I can hear our parents now, "Just stand there for one minute and let me take your picture."

This is the only baby picture I have of John.

Check out his little shorts. His Italian mama used to iron everything. By the looks of those shorts, they were no exception. My shorts, however, have crept up due to the rubbing together of my chunky thighs.

John is trying to be a good little guy and smile for the camera. I, on the other hand, am being a pouty little brat. Not much has changed.

Purse Tag

Becky at In The Trenches tagged me for this meme which is a lot of fun, so I thought I would participate. I followed the rules, hence my extreme embarassment.

Here are the rules:

1. Post a picture of the current bag you are carrying. You cannot go into your closet and pull out that cute little purse you used back before you had kids. I want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house.

2. I want to know how much it cost:) This is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. After all, that's why we are all here. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, I'd love to hear it.

3. Tag some chicks. And link back to this post so people know why you are doing this.


This is my purse. I bought it at Macy's for $135. Oh my, I could be in trouble now. I told John, "Oh, it's just one of those cheap mall purses." Becky, I may have to come stay with you when he reads this post. I'm kidding, he doesn't care.

I like it because it's huge! (That's what she said.) In it, I keep my camera, with case, my notebook, in case I get a good idea (oops! maybe I need a light bulb for that), plus all of the normal stuff like my wallet, checkbook and assorted beauty products.

I can't believe I just used the corny light bulb joke. You've got to be really old to get that one!!

The embarassing thing is...this is the purse I posted about awhile back. It's the one I spilled a mocha latte into. And I am still carrying it. It still has chocolate in it. Oh well, I love the chocolate purse and I am going to continue to carry it.

Now, to tag some chicks. I think I'll tag...

Sarah at Holden Happenings. You never know what Sarah is going to be carrying. I can't wait to see what you have going on now, girlfriend.

How about Yaya atYaya Stuff? You seem like you have a very funky, neat style. I bet you're carrying something interesting. I can't wait to see it.

Let's also tag Tara at Too Much Information. I bet you have the most stylish purse in the bunch. Something so pretty and perfect, and we would never be able to find one like it anywhere.

I want to see what Debbie from Suburb Sanity is carrying. If it is one of those ___sacks like she showed on her blog yesterday, I am going to die laughing.

How about you Mrs. Parks from The Parks Farm? Please tell me you are carrying a purse in the shape of a turtle. That would be awesome.

DADDY'S HOME!!

Nobody gets more excited to see daddy than his Lulu. He is the only one that can still pick her up and she loves it. She has one of those faces that always looks so sad that you feel bad for her and you try to do everything you can to make her happy.

John wanted an English Bulldog for years. I finally caved, and when I found Lulu on the internet, I had to get her. I am so glad I did. He's crazy about her. I wish I would have gotten one sooner.

How Olivia Got Her Name

First, let me preface this story by stating that I am not expressing any particular belief one way or the other. I am simply telling a story how it happened. You can believe what you want and think what you want.

When Emily was getting ready to turn 3 years old, which happens to be a week before Christmas, she decided she wanted a puppy. She was a very easygoing, laid back baby and we wanted something small that she could hold and play with and wouldn't knock her down.


Look at that face. How could you not get her a puppy?

I found a breeder who had two dachshund puppies, a male and a female, so we loaded the three kids into the suv and head out. When we got there, we let her pick the one she wanted and she chose the little female.

On the way home, she was sitting in her carseat between the two other kids. Heath was 12 and Les was 9 at the time. Emily had the puppy in her lap, petting her with those pudgy little baby fingers. Emily has always had a very calming way with animals and the puppy was completely chilled in her lap, not being playful or rambunctious at all.



I asked her, "Hey Emmie, what are you going to name your new puppy?"

Very quickly, enunciating precisely and definitively, she stated, "I am naming her Olivia."

John and I looked at each other with furrowed brows and I said, "Well, that's a very unique name. Where did you hear it?"

"It was my mommy's name," she said.

"What are you talking about? I am your mommy."

"Not you, silly," yes, she called me silly. "My mommy before you."

She said it in a way that she felt like I should have known it. Like it was common knowledge just as normal as her brother and sister sitting right next to her.

"What happened to her?" I asked.

"She died."

And that was the end of it. Heath and Les were, of course, giving it the do do do do, do do do do, but she never said anything else about it.

Please don't think that I believe my dog is the reincarnated mother of my child's former life. That is ridiculous.

Olivia is still with us. She is 14 years old. She can't see or hear very well anymore, but she is still healthy and active.

If you ask Emily about any of this now, she doesn't remember one bit of it, but I will never forget it.

John is coming home

John is coming home tomorrow. So, of course, like any good wife, I have been trying to make myself more beautiful for his arrival.

I went and got one of those spray-on tans.

And my teeth bleached.

And, as you can see, I've been working out like a dog.

Now come to momma!!





Lulu would like to express her excitement over your impending return:

Seriously, we can't wait to see you, Baby.

An office makeover and money to do it

I've been busy this week trying to get my office done in time to submit my before and after pics to Metamorphosis Monday. You should visit them. There are some great re-dos and some inventive ideas there.

I couldn't take it anymore. This beige office was ugly and depressing.

So I decided to have a little fun with it. What could be more fun than pink and chocolate?

I said I was having fun, I didn't say I knew how to decorate.

My friend, Tara, has a blog called kidz. It is a site that celebrates the lives and lessons of special needs children, a.k.a. kidz. It is a site for everyone, not just friends and families of kidz. The mission is to increase awareness and understanding about different health conditions and to help all people cope with challenges and enjoy life!

She is giving away some great things this week like a $200 gift card to Target and a $100 gift card to Ikea. These could really come in handy when you decide to redecorate your office in pink and chocolate.

Big John Rocked It

I don't usually post on Sunday, but Big John sent me these for Valentine's Day yesterday so I had to share. What? Did you think this was going to be a naughty post? Look how big it is! (that's what she said)

So Honey, here is what I got for you. Get it? (well, you're going to)