Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Pet Rats and Thank-you Daddy

Warning: This post contains dirty words. If you are offended by cuss words, please do not continue reading.

I am going to convey a conversation that we had with some friends over the summer as closely as I can remember it. I have never laughed so hard at anything in my life that wasn't done by professionals on the comedy channel.

What made it so funny to me is that I am a very shy person. When I am in public, I don't ever like to draw attention to myself by talking loud or cussing and even when we are just together here with friends there are certain words I wouldn't say. I say them in front of my immediate family, of course, but that's it. This particular couple is the exact opposite. They are full of loud stories and they always crack me up.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Tina: "When we lived over on Xyz Street, those kids next door had a couple of pet rats. Yuck. I don't know why you would ever want a rat for a pet in the first place. One day, they got out of their cage."

Me: "Ew."

Tina: "They only caught one of them, and the other one was loose for a long time."

Me: "Ugh."

Tina: "One morning, I got up to go to the bathroom and, just as I was sitting down on the toilet, I looked over and saw that big rat sitting there, sitting straight up looking right at me. I screamed as loud as I could for Mark and it ran away."

Mark: "That was because that big pussy scared it away."

Uncontrollable laughter from John and me. Partly because it was funny, partly because we couldn't believe he said it.

Tina: "Marcus!!"

Mark: "That was some Tom and Jerry shit right there, man, I tell ya."
I can't think about that without laughing. And I still can't believe he said it.


I got a package in the mail today. I wasn't expecting anything, but when I saw the return address was from Florida, I knew it was from my dad. I opened it, and inside was a bunch of Estee Lauder stuff.

Inside that orange bag, there is a bunch of makeup samples. I looked all through the bag and didn't find a note or card or anything. No big surprise, there never is, that's how he operates.

Hmm, why did he send me this out of the clear, blue sky...it's not my birthday or anything...he must have just been thinking about me...aww, that is so sweet...thank-you, daddy...I love you, daddy.

Wait a minute...hold the phone...I know what you're up to...you know it is almost spring break time for the girls...you want us to come to Florida...I'm on to you Mister...I've got your number...you are sooo sneaky....you think you know how to press my buttons...you think you can spend 100 bucks on some sweet surprises and then I will spend 1,000 on a trip for me and the girls to come to Florida...I am so onto you.

See you next month...


  1. Ah, bribery, i'm all for it.

    re Tom and Jerry...soo bloody funny, i never come up with these quick responses, i always think of something great to say about 2 days later!!!!

  2. I am married to a Markus!!! It took me a long time to adjust. He cracks me up dailey, and I am embarassed dailey. But I have learned to let it flow a little easier! (I grew up Catholic for pete's sake!)

    What a sweet Daddy!

  3. That is a funny story! And I love makeup samples.

  4. Ok, whatever. I guess if your dad sends me some cosmetics I'll go to Florida too :)

    Love the rat story!

  5. OMG, that rat story is toooo funny.

    "Hi Daddy, I'm the daughter in Georgia you haven't spoken to in awhile. We'd like to come to Florida!"

  6. "Rat stories" are an essential part of life! (Even when they are about something else altogether!) :))
    good humour sometimes needs dirty words - they are not so dirty when used for a good cause, right?

  7. Thanks for hopping on over! Just read a few back posts of yours and love your sense of humor!!

    Hallie :)

  8. Tom and Jerry! Too funny! I can see her face!
    What a great dad! Cherish him!

  9. I am offended by cuss words. HAHAHAH Sorry I couldn't hold my laughter in.

    That story was so funny. And props to your dad on that gift.

  10. Have fun in Florida :) I wish my dad would bribe me to visit for spring break... but I do anyway. So there's no point.

    Oh well.

  11. LOL, that is some funny Tom and Jerry shit!

    Have fun in Florida!

  12. WAY too funny....

    Oh thank you world for messing up perfectly good words like pussy, beaver and gay....


If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. No need to point out my mistakes, I have family for that.