Hanging Dog

John sent me this story yesterday.

A lady was telling her neighbor that she saw a man driving a pick-up truck down the interstate, and a dog was hanging onto the tailgate for dear life! She said that if the pick-up truck driver hadn't been going so fast in the other direction, she would have tried to stop him.

A few weeks later, her neighbor saw this truck at the Bass Pro Shop in Daphne, Alabama.

The pick-up truck driver is a local taxidermist with a great sense of humor!

Can you imagine how many people try and stop this guy?

THE BUS STORY

I was in 6th grade. My sister was in 4th grade. She had been annoying me on the school bus and untied my shoe. Not wanting to let her get one over on me, I grabbed her and said, "Get down there right now and tie it back."

She crouched down over the top of my shoe and tied it back. It should have been a red flag that she was so compliant.

When the driver came to our stop, she ran off the bus. I couldn't move. She had tied my shoelace in a knot to the leg of the seat in front of me. The driver kept waiting and waiting. I couldn't budge. I couldn't get the knot out.

He finally had to get up, come back to my seat and cut me loose with his pocket knife. I took off running after her to cheers from the other children, "Get her! Get her!"

I would have posted this on Flashback Friday, except I didn't have a picture of it. I do, however, have a picture of me after she knocked out my two front teeth.

Flashback Fridays

I have imprisoned my baby sister in the new birthday doll bed. I am not sure whose birthday it was, but since our birthdays are 9 days apart, it was probably for both of us.

Don't worry, she got me back many times. Someday I will tell you about when she tied me to the bus.

Valentine's Day Centerpiece

I warned you that this was the crappy crafts blog. This Valentine's Day centerpiece takes about 15 minutes to make. You probably have everything in your house already except for the flowers. It really helps cheer things up, especially if there is a foot of snow on the ground and your entire house is beige.

Added bonus: if you get too bummed, you can eat the candy. Of course you will have to pick off all the melted wax.

This is what it looks like when I blog. This is pretty typical every morning. I have to go tinkle, but I don't want to disturb them. They do make good foot warmers.

I know this is a short post, but I am going to paint my office today - DOWN WITH BEIGE!!

Most Embarassing Moments

In the immortal words of Jimmy Buffett, "If we couldn't laugh, we just would go insane."

So...because I woke up to this...

Which made me want to do this...

I thought we could all make each other laugh so we didn't do this...

Since nothing makes me laugh or makes me feel better about myself more than hearing other people's most embarassing moments stories, I thought we could share. I'll get the ball rolling.

Here is mine:

It was Thanksgiving Day. I was 19. I had just moved to this area with my family from a little town in the middle of a corn field about 65 miles east of here. We were staying with relatives until we could find a house to rent.

Our imposed upon relatives decided to go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving Dinner, so we went out to eat. Back then, there weren't that many places open on Thanksgiving Day, but we found a nice buffet.

We got a table and my sister, age 17, and I went up to get our food. I am going through the buffet line in front of her. Did I say it was Thanksgiving Day? We get to the end of the buffet and there was a young man carving a turkey. You know how they do, there is a guy with a big knife and fork carving a hunk of meat under a glowing red light.

I look at him and say, "I'll take dark meat."

This kid looks at me like the top of my head just popped off and spring-loaded snakes just blew out. He doesn't move or say anything.

I am confused, so I turn around to my sister and say, "Right, Cindy?"

Cindy doesn't know what this kid's problem is either, so she nods and says, "Yeah, dark meat!"

The cuddly young carver puffs, "This is a roast beef."

I turned redder than my hair, "I'll take some of that then," and slinked back to the table. Cindy was right behind me with her plate of roast beef turkey.

I don't think there has been a single conversation between me and my sister in the last 26 years that "Yeah, dark meat!" has not been interjected somewhere.

Okay, I showed you mine, now you show me yours!

Greetings from Russia

John emailed me some pictures from Russia I thought I would share. This is a Russian baby stroller. How about those wheels?
This is where John is staying. It is called the Shifaly. To be more precise, it is called the Shifaly hotel/sanitorium. They claim the sanitorium part of it is for people who need rest and relaxation, sort of like our spa. I am not joking when I tell you that he was checked in by a nurse. I don't know of too many spas that require the employment of a nurse. I have told him to be careful where he falls asleep and to make sure his door is locked at all times.

He told me about the bath water at his "hotel". I insisted on a picture. Makes you feel squeaky clean all over doesn't it?

This is a mural that is in a restaurant where he goes. I thought it looked more Irish than Russian but, hey, what do I know about art?

I hope you can see the fabric tied to this tree. It is difficult to distinquish, but this is where newlyweds tie pieces of cloth to symbolize the hope of a long, happy, prosperous marriage.
I think it's interesting to see new customs of other countries that I didn't know about.

Steven Tyler on Parenting

Did you ever see a celebrity on a talk show and either like them more or like them less after you have seen their true personality? Well, as true as it can be with the publicists and pr coaches.

I saw Steven Tyler, the lead singer for Aerosmith, a few years ago on a talk show talking about being a dad and he cracked me up. He was saying how kids keep you grounded and that, when you have kids, it was impossible to keep an inflated ego.

He was talking about a night when he was doing a concert and all these hot girls were in the front row, throwing their bras and panties at him. They were telling him all the things they wanted to do to him and how they wanted to have his baby.

Then, he goes home and one of his kids looks at him and says, "Gosh dad, why'd you wear that shirt? It makes you look fat".

I was with Emily the other day and I asked her, "How do you like my new scarf? It's my shabby chic scarf."

"Don't you mean your chubby cheek scarf?"

Ahh, Steven, we are so much alike...

A Weekend Makeover

The girls and I always tend to get into a little bit of redecorating mischief when John leaves town. Emily's bathroom had been driving me crazy for awhile with the depressing beige paint and the construction grade fixtures.

We painted the cabinet on Saturday.



We painted the walls and hung the mirror on Sunday.



A few finishing touches and the room looks a lot better. It's a much happier room now.

Is hell a cuss word?

When my son was about 7 or 8 years old, he asked me, "Is hell a cuss word?"

"It depends on how you use it," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well," I said, "if you are having a discussion about Heaven and Hell, then it's not a cuss word."

"So...like...it would be okay to say, 'Hell with it. Praise the Lord?'!"

"Umm...not exactly."

Please do not use this image without written permission from Heath Elijah.

Flashback Fridays - 2nd Post

I know I already posted today, but I just visited Tara over at Too Much Information, and decided to join her party. Go on over to her blog and join in. This sounds like a lot of fun.

This is a picture of me, circa 1967 or so. I am playing with my cackerpickers. I used to go to the big tree in granny grump's backyard and put a bunch of caterpillars in that white box. I would then take one and chase my granny through the house with it. She would run from me, screaming for my mom to get me...I am laughing about it now.

Then I would go outside and take them out of the box and let them crawl up my legs...it tickled. Then, my little sister (2 years younger) would come out on the porch and stomp on them, squishing them as I was trying to rescue them by putting them back in the box.

I think I'll get even with her by posting some of her old pictures here...revenge is best served cold.

Crappy Crafts and Useless Information

Crappy Craft

Here's my crappy craft project. It takes about 5 seconds to make. Hey, I added the coffee beans all by myself and it was my idea.

Useless Information

Well, I guess I've lost it. I no longer have my gift. I was informed this week about two pregnancies and I had no fish dreams. Man, am I bummed! That was my only gift, my only talent, my only ability, my only thing. I definitely should have had at least 1 fish dream because the young lady is related. Dang!

A Wiener in the Snow


I'll let you decide which weiner is in the snow...

The old man here is 13. I can only get him to go outside twice a day.







Some Pics for John

Here's the firepit, Babe. Just wanted you to see how much snow we finally ended up getting. It's pretty bad when you go to Russia and get out of the cold. Did you get one of those big Dr. Zhivago hats yet?

How about your veranda? You have to admit. These icicles do look really cool. You probably wouldn't want to walk underneath them unless you had a death wish, though.

I just threw in this picture of the sundial. Look how the little thing (I'm sure it has a name) is peeking out of the snowball. It looks like a nose.

Now I'm going to have to look up what that part of a sundial is called. It will drive me crazy if I don't.