Saturday, March 7, 2009

Extreme Home Makeover

As I mentioned in a previous post, Extreme Home Makeover did a house in the neighborhood adjacent to mine last summer. It was a little less than a mile walk, so I went on the first day of demolition and snapped these pictures.

This was as close as I could get to Ty Pennington....unfortunately.

They mounted cameras on the tops of nearby houses, which I thought was extremely cool. This is the house directly across the street.

This is my favorite picture. The first CRUNCH! And crunch it did.

Check out the camera. You wouldn't believe how fast they could swing that camera around.

They had this house done in four days. They work around the clock, rain or shine. I got so sunburnt that first day that I didn't make it back down there until my best gal pal wanted me to go with her to see the finished product.

The family that lives here has three children. Both of the girls have a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy and they are in wheelchairs. The original house, as you can tell, wass definitely not wheelchair friendly. This one is completely open and makes their lives much more independent. Extreme Makeover rocks!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Kiosk Hawkers

Let's go to the mall. It is such a nice day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, it is warm outside for a change. Let's go walk around the mall. We can hold hands and sip Starbucks, stretch our legs, get a little exercise, have an enjoyable and relaxing afternoon...NOT!

What you get now when you try to do a little mallwalking is hawked at like you're a sailor with 2 day pass on shore leave in Taiwan, "Hey Joe, two dolla, two dolla."

What is supposed to be a day of window shopping and, "Look at that little outfit, I can't wait until we have a grandbaby we can buy one of those."

Has turned into, "Just ignore him, pretend like you don't hear him."

What used to be, "Isn't that table setting at Williams-Sonoma Home just beautiful?"

Has turned into, "Don't make eye contact with her!"

Remember the days when the biggest concern during a good, old-fashioned, mallwalk was whether or not you were going to be able to avoid the temptation while passing by the window of the Godiva Chocolate store?

Now it is, "Cross over! Cross over! He can't get to us on that side!"

Nothing like trying to have a conversation and having, "Excuse me, Sir! Miss!" yelled at you every few feet. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Makes you want to return to the mall real soon.

What's next? A happy ending at the 5-minute massage?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I'm All Shook Up

You know I am not one prone to ranting....BUT....

John and I were coming back home yesterday after lunch. We were in our subdivision and getting ready to turn left onto our street. This is the exact spot. Sorry the picture is dark, I went back out last night and took it.

I was getting ready to turn left and had my signal on (I promise), when I just happened to glance in my left side mirror and saw a crazy woman in a dark blue mini van PASSING ME ON THE LEFT!

I blurted out, "Oh my God!" and stopped.

John was sitting in the passenger's seat, oblivious, and said, "What?"

"She is going around me!"

When he saw her fly around me, then get back into the right lane, he was just as shocked as I was.

Then, of course, we proceeded to go on with the "she could haves" and the "almosts" and "what ifs". I just drove the rest of the way home in sort of a daze. I was furious, yet thanking my guardian angel for watching out for me.

My question is...WHY AM I SUCH A WIMP? Why did I not chase this woman down and beat her a$$? I have seen her before in the neighborhood adjacent to mine. She parks her car sideways at the end of her driveway thinking it will keep her little tiny kids in the driveway. It doesn't. I have seen her 3 year old daughter in the street on her little wheel with no adult in sight. Her street is busy now with sightseers since they built the Extreme Makeover house on this street.

As you can tell, it's a day later and I'm still pissed. You don't pass people in subdivisions! I still want to go beat her a$$!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

5 Quick Questions

The older you get, the wiser you get, right? You find the answers to more questions and things generally tend to make more sense as you age. There are a few things that still perplex me, maybe you have the answers.

  1. Why is the ride there so much longer than the ride back home?
  2. Why does my daughter go to the gym and work out for an hour, but finds it too strenuous to bend over and pick her clothes up off the bathroom floor?
  3. Why do I, and most other people, turn from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde when we get behind the wheel of our car?

4. Why does Vaseline take off mascara?
5. How is it physiologically possible that the fat from my used-to-be-sexy butt has stood up, marched itself around to my stomach and plopped itself back down again?

If you know the answers to any of these questions, I would love to know.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Dear Son, I Want a Grandbaby

Dear Son,
I want a REAL grandbaby. I love the boys, but I am tired of grandchildren that look like this:
I know you are afraid that your offspring will be butt-ugly. I mean, just look at the two of you:
You said that you guys were going to discuss it. I know, when you were little, we never actually sat down and had "the talk", but, Honey, no one ever got pregnant discussing it.
So, in closing, I want a grandbaby. A real one. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I don't care if it has brown hair, red hair, or blonde hair. I don't care if it has brown eyes, blue eyes, or green eyes. I just don't want it to lift its leg when it pees.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Elephant Eggs

I didn't know elephants hatched from eggs. Did you?
Dr. Seuss would have loved him. I was thinking of keeping him, but he would probably get too big for the house.

Alas, my little poached pachyderm, you must join your brothers and sisters. Next time we meet, you will be swimming amongst the taters in a sea of mayo, mustard and pickle relish.

What should I do about this?
At this point, I'd like to shake my head and say, "She needs help.", but I think it is I that needs the help. She keeps hoggin' my side of the bed.