Monday, April 13, 2009

Showering for the Sexes

How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "Woo Woo!" sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how it sounds like a whale surfacing.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair, making a shampoo Mohawk.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the "Woo Woo!" sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.

Have a great day! And, "Woo Woo"!!!


  1. And that's from your personal experience? :D

    Great post!

  2. Thank God...i thought it was just my husband lol....fantastic post...too funny!

  3. Haha! I LOL'd at shake weiner! Hahaha! And my hubby never completely dries himself off, it drives me nuts!

  4. Hahahaha! That was the best. You will have to do a "How to Shower like a MOM....."

  5. HAHA! This is painfully true! Why do they just partially dry off or stand there until they are dry leaving a puddle? And, I hate it when they use my stuff....

  6. Girl, you crack me up! This is so true! (Although I don't have a long dressing gown. Hmmm...maybe I need to run to the mall?)


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